Monday, September 28, 2009

Well I Didn't See That Coming

I should've waited to publish that last post until..hmm..three hours later. Why, you ask?

I went to my grandma's house while waiting for Miss Priss to get out of Mother's Day Out and she tells me that she has been thinking and praying a lot about something. I wondered what it could be? She told me that she wanted to trade cars with me.

I drive a 2002 Hyundai Elantra and drives a 2007 Hyundai Elantra. My car has 84,000 miles and her car has 5,000 miles. The only time she drives is to buy groceries at Wal Mart and Kroger and to my house. She goes NOwhere else..ever! My car is more or lass falling apart. I'm constantly having to fix things on it. It's been driven hard. Of course I asked her if she was sure about this decision. It is kinda major. She assured me she was and that she didn't need a brand new car to go back and forth to the grocery store.

Now, I was in shock as I have no uttered a single word to her about purchasing a new vehicle. I didn't want to tell her until I was absoloutley sure of what we were doing. Noone else said anything to her either. The only person could have been my dad, but he swore he didn't say anything. So, I have to believe it was a blessing from God. No, her car isn't an SUV with a ton of room like I wanted, but we won't have to tap into our IRA to get money to buy a vehicle either.

There is a downside though. My mom was greatly looking forward to buying my car because she can no longer afford the payments on hers. =( So i'm in limbo. Do I accept a more or less brand new car with no strings attached or get our IRA money out and buy a new vehicle so my mom will have a vehicle? I called my dad crying because I knew my mom was unhappy about it and he said that it isn't my responsibility to take care of them, but I almost feel like it is. If I can somehow help, I would like to.

Anyway, so my exciting day turned super exciting, then really depressing. I managed to turn the crockpot of beans that i've been cooking all day to "off" rather than to "high", burn my finger on the hot glue gun, and eat about 3,000 Lays Potato Chips out of sheer helplessness.

You see, let me be really honest. My family is struggling. We have no been so financially drained since ..well I can't remember a time that is was this hard.

The vehicle was a need. My car is breaking down right in front of our eyes. Pieces are laying in my console that have fallen off.
The Christmas lists.. those are dreams! I want to give my children everything possible. I don't want them to know we are struggling. They should be care free and happy kids. Not sad because they can't get a great toy for Christmas.
We are paying our bills and that is what matters. The extras are..extras.
I did buy things at the consignment sale, but I used the money I made from my Hair Bows. We know how to stretch a penny into a dollar when the time comes.
I'm just in a melancholy mood now.

I know some people will judge me and that is fine. I had to lay it all on the line though and be real. I wish I was happy and bubbly all the time, but that isn't life is it?



17 comments:

Amber September 28, 2009 at 4:16 PM  

Yikes that is tuff:( I must say I do feel for you mom, but you have your own family to worry about and if you have an opportunity to save thousands of dollars it would be really smart to do that. On the other hand if you guys can afford it, and you want a larger car then get what you set our for. You just really need to make decisions on what is best for YOUR family. I know its hard, but its life right:( We made a decision to move about 1 1/2 hours away from our family which made them not so happy, but it was a decision that was in our familys best interest.

Amber September 28, 2009 at 4:43 PM  

I feel ya girl I am a mommy of 3 and my husband is the only one who works and I am a nursing student. Times get hard, but if your kids are fed and have a roof over their head all is well. Money comes and goes, but the bond of a family can never break. I have read your blog for a long time now you seem like a great person and mom that is all the stuff that matters. It gets tuff we live in Ca and it is expensive!If my husband dident make a decent living we would never make it, but trust me we live on a budget and cannot always buy what we want.

Fullerton Family September 28, 2009 at 5:19 PM  

Tough situation, but you need to do what's best for your little family. Your grandma wanting to trade cars with you is a blessing. Yeah, it's not an SUV, but you also won't be spending any money to get it. And with the Holidays coming up, I know as a single income family, that EVERY penny is needed!! Good luck, everyone has their down days. (and difficult decisions)

Casey September 28, 2009 at 5:25 PM  

There is no reason for you to be judged. Everyone goes through hardships. To be honest with you my husband had to go deposit a check my parents gave us 20 minutes before the bank closed today otherwise we might not have made it this month. We are very low on money due to medical bills, prescriptions, and just poor decisions from years ago. We too try not to let our kids know what is going on and I only buy at consignment sales or when things are really on sale, I never pay full price.

About the car, I know your mom may be upset but you have your family to think about and that is your job right now. Your primary focus needs to be what is best for your husband, you, and your beautiful girls. It is hard but it is how things are supposed to be. I will say a prayer for you. If you ever need to talk send me an email! Good luck

London September 28, 2009 at 5:38 PM  

Keep your chin up, girlie! We are broke as a joke and always have been. There's more to life than pretty things. No advice on the car situation, but if you can avoid going into debt I would go for it. You mom should understand. (Also our rental car was a Equinox while our Rav was getting fixed and I HATED it!) lol. Sorry I'm not much help. But I know how you feel, I'm totally in the same boat.

JenFen September 28, 2009 at 6:01 PM  

That's a tough situation and I don't have an answer other than agree with PP about doing what is right for your family. While your mom might be upset, in the end she has to understand where you are coming from. Good luck. And what an awesome gesture on your grandma's part.

LauraC September 28, 2009 at 8:08 PM  

I agree, you have to take care of your family. Your children need a dependable working car and if someone can help you, let them do it.

As for the holiday stuff, Christmas doesn't have to be about presents. It can be about spending time with your family creating traditions. My boys only get a few presents - a book, pajamas, an outfit, and one big present - bc we are trying to stress the emphasis on spending time with family as the intention of the holiday.

Hang in there!

Deborah September 28, 2009 at 8:36 PM  

Sometimes it's really hard to accept things from others especially if you tend to do for others instead. I have a hard time accepting things but seriously this sounds exactly like a gift not only from your grandmother but from God. I can imagine how hard it is to do what's best for you and not your mom but leaving the money in your IRA could be important down the road. Especially in this economy. Blessings sweet girl and please please enjoy your new ride!

Carrie77 September 28, 2009 at 8:45 PM  

Kaycee, I am sure your mom would want you to take your Grandmas car and you also have two beautiful girls to provide for so please think of your family first, it is not being selfish by any means! Your grandma sounds so sweet!

Jennifer September 28, 2009 at 10:21 PM  

I'm pretty much going to echo what others are saying. You have to do what is best for your family. It would be lovely if you could have a nice sized SUV, but I would love to have an almost brand new car without a car payment! If you aren't planning any more children in the near future and can make it work in the smaller car, I say go for it. I know that you want to help your mom out, but she will make it through. Also, I think the most important thing that we give our children is our time and Lord knows that your girls are blessed in that area. Remember the reason for the season and your girls won't feel that they are lacking in any sense.

Deanna September 29, 2009 at 10:06 AM  

I haven't read the other comments, but let me say Do No Tap into that IRA fund! There are penalties associated with it. And I'm sorry that your mom is upset, but if she has to get another car that she can afford, then so be it. You are responsible to your husband and children - they are your first priority - so you need to make the best decision for your family. How fair is it that giving your mom your car (with the low payments that she could make) would put YOU and your family in a worse financial situation with having to purchase another car with higher payments? And take the penalties and loss associated with pulling prematurely from an IRA fund?

Sorry to get on a soap box about this, but I guess maybe it hits a little too close to home for me and my mom's relationship. You cannot sacrifice your family's financial security just so that your parent can get what they want. And they shouldn't expect it, either.

Christine September 29, 2009 at 1:59 PM  

Oh Kaycee! You're such a sweet and tenderhearted person. I have to agree with several of the other comments. You need to do what's best for you, your husband and your beautiful girls. Your grandma has obviously been praying about it and you've been praying about your situation so to me it just seems like this is God's answer for you. Your mom won't stay upset. Do what's best for your family and pray for your mom's situation. Hugs.

Jess September 29, 2009 at 3:50 PM  

Kaycee - you are not being selfish at all and no one is going to judge you! You have an opportunity to get a brand new car that will be better for you and your girls! There are plenty of cars our there for your mom to purchase. You are lucky to have such an awesome grandmother!! I agree with the PP who said DO NOT tap into your IRA to buy a car!! There are too many penalties with that and you will need that money for your future. SUV's are nice but you can do it with a car for now!

smott September 29, 2009 at 5:33 PM  

Hey, I feel you, with my 1 year old's bday 2 days away and Christmas around the corner, I feel your pain and frustration money wise. My husband and I both work full time with good jobs and we are still tight every month and it seems if anything were to happen financially, we would be done. Keep on trucking though, that's all you can do. You have a home and you are able to stay home with your girls, that is HUGE in my book.

And no, don't tap into your IRA, you get huge fees anyway, its just not worth it. You have a family to worry about. If your car breaks down on the side of the rode with your girls in the car, you will be much worse off than if your mom did. She is the ADULT in the situation. My mom is in the same boat, I have felt like I've had to take care of her most my life. If your grandmother is giving you this gift, take it, you need to do it for your girls, your mom will figure her thing out.

Janet September 29, 2009 at 11:50 PM  

Oh girl, I am so sorry! I totally understand where you are coming from. Money is tight for us too! I think that your grandma offering the car is a blessing and sometimes you have to think about what's best for your family, and not let anyone make you feel guilty for anything.

About the song you posted, all I can say is wow! This is soo my husbands song. When he is down as can be he puts this on and sings it. Right now he is going through one of the worst times in his life and this song just lifts his spirits. He got a guitar for his birthday and is learning how to play, and I was just sitting here as he was learning this song on his guitar. I was shocked when I saw it on your blog because it was so weird to be hearing it right here and see that it touched your life too. I love coincidences like that.

Praying for you girl. Love you!

*Kc* September 30, 2009 at 9:39 AM  

Wow! Thank you to everyone! You are always so supportive and i'm always so thankful.
Let me just say that my mom is not an awful person. She was super happy for me, but it just felt like a lot was going wrong for her and she was sad.
I did keep the car and i will post pics soon =)

To all of you who mentioned the IRA penalties. THANK you! I wasn't aware that there were that many.

I'm also very sorry that so many of you are going through similar difficult situations. It's hard, but I know all of us can get through it. I love the support of all of you!

Janet, i'm so sorry that B is going through a rough time. I'm glad that songs helps him like it does me. I absoloutley love it. And that is a crazy coincidence. We really have a lot in common =)

Lara September 30, 2009 at 1:14 PM  

I'm glad you decided to take your gma up on her offer. I know how it is to want to help our your mom. I'm that way with my dad. He's been going through a really hard time the last few years and I gave him my Tahoe when I got my new car. He was supposed to pay me but only gave me a little and I'm not worried about the rest. You made the right decision for your family and I know that your mom understands that. We are having trouble financially also. It's not the first time and it certainly won't be the last. We all go through it. The girls won't know the difference between you spending $30 on them and $300, as long as you are there to enjoy Christmas with them and make it special. An idea that I've done in the past when we were struggling was to make presents for the grandparents instead of buying them something. We made a photo colage and framed it. It cost maybe $10 total for the frame and copies of the pictures.

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